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3MM: Neediness, Strippers & Obeying
3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, I fly to Australia this Friday! Very limited tickets left for Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, Christchurch, Auckland & Bali. https://chriswilliamson.live/ “Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.
Any time you alter your words or behavior to fit someone else’s needs rather than your own, that is needy.
Any time you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that is needy.
Any time you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfill yourself, that is needy.
Whereas most people focus on what behavior is attractive/unattractive, what determines neediness (and therefore, attractiveness) is the why behind your behavior.
You can say the coolest thing or do what everyone else does, but if you do it for the wrong reason, it will come off as needy and desperate and turn people off.” — Mark Manson
Turning people off is definitely not optimal. I like turning people on as much as the next guy. But there’s an even bigger price to be paid here - your own self-worth. Imagine a world in which you’re unanimously adored by millions, but you hate yourself. Are you happy? Is it worth it? Now imagine a world where you’re disliked by everybody, but you love yourself. I propose that self-love-you would be happier. Because ultimately, in some taoist, roundabout way, the reason we want validation from others is to give us a good enough reason to validate ourselves. If you compromise yourself in order to gain favour with other people, you’ll know. Even if you think you’re not keeping score, your subconscious is. And given that you read this newsletter, you probably keep score a lot more accurately than most people. How do you expect to have faith in yourself if you can’t even keep your own word? Here’s the problem. We sacrifice the thing we want (self worth) for the thing which is supposed to get it (validation). Prioritise yourself. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. It's widely believed that humans evolved to hide women's fertile periods. But... did we? Data from lap dancers suggests the answer is 'no'. Strippers who were off the pill earned considerably more per shift during their fertile period. 2. A global poll of 23,000 people found that 31% of Gen Z men agreed that a wife should always obey her husband. 33% also felt a husband should have the final word on important household decisions. These were higher proportions than older generations. 3. “Man is born to live and not to prepare to live.” — Boris Pasternak LIFE HACKAyo Glasses. Not affiliated. Just worth checking out, basically a light panel to get “sunlight” in your eyes in the morning - but they’re glasses you wear! Kinda cool, kinda dorky, worked for me. Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
3 Minute Monday
Podcaster with 1bn+ plays. I write about the most important lessons from the best thinkers on the planet. 300,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
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