3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, A friend did a mushroom trip and a question came to him: “Do people love you for who you are or for what you do?” This is uncomfortable to consider. People loving us for who we are feels more real, genuine, caring, empathetic and robust. It feels like it’s less fickle and more difficult to lose. On the other hand, people loving us for what we do feels transactional and transient. The love we receive becomes contingent on what achievements and successes we can offer in return. And the obvious fear is that if a point came where we no longer had anything to offer in return, would our love be taken away? So here’s an even more uncomfortable question… “Do you love you for who you are or for what you do?” Oooo. Nowhere to hide now buddy. This highlights our hypocrisy. You see, we want the world to love us for who we are. A balanced, caring view of our true value, independent of our accomplishments. Meanwhile our own self-love is largely determined by what we do. If we fall short, even though we know we tried our best, we still castigate ourselves for being insufficient, unworthy creatures. So we want the world to show up for us in a way that we are often not prepared to show up for ourselves. You deserve more than this, demand it of yourself. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. According to recent polling, both sexes think it’s worse for a husband than a wife to have an affair – the opposite of the traditional double standard. 53% of men say it’s always morally wrong for a married woman to have an affair. 61% of men say it’s always morally wrong for a married man to have an affair. 56% of women say it’s always morally wrong for a married woman to have an affair. 70% of women say it’s always morally wrong for a married man to have an affair. — h/t Steve Stewart-Williams 2. “Notice it's always "smash the system" and "demolish capitalism" and "eat the rich." It's never "help the needy" or "feed the poor." You'll see a thousand communists say "billionaires shouldn't exist" but not a single one who says "poor people shouldn't exist.” — Rob Henderson 3. “In a relationship, roughly the only thing that matters is if you can be yourself around them… shared hobbies, attraction, lifestyle alignment is downstream. If you can’t be fully yourself around someone, you’re either performing or negotiating constantly. & over time that corrodes everything. True intimacy is being radically unedited & still accepted. The rest is just set design.” — Signull LIFE HACKGymshark 48 hour sale. Time to stock up. Get up to 50% off Gymshark’s best sellers plus another 10% off when you use code MODERNWISDOM10 Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
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3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, Come see me live in NYC, Boston, Denver, Austin, Salt Lake City & Chicago. I’ve been thinking about presence this week. Blaise Pascal explains the problem… “We never keep to the present. We anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, My US & Canada live tour is getting close to selling out - LA, Vancouver, Toronto and Nashville are all gone. New York City, Austin, Boston, Denver, Salt Lake City & Chicago - limited tickets left. Come and see me live. “The worst thing that’s ever happened to you is the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.” — Joe Rogan The saddest you’ve ever been is the saddest you’ve ever been. The hardest you’ve ever worked is the hardest you’ve ever worked. Tough times...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, You’re probably pretty competent. You can do things. You’re prepared to try new stuff. And when you try new stuff, you don’t suck that much and you seem to make progress more quickly than most people. This is another Curse Of Competence. Your options for life-direction are less constrained by your abilities, and more by your choices. This sounds like a blessing. Indeed it’s better than the alternative. But it’s a unique category of problem, one which occurs while...