3 MINUTE MONDAY

Hi friend,

A friend did a mushroom trip and a question came to him:

“Do people love you for who you are or for what you do?”

This is uncomfortable to consider.

People loving us for who we are feels more real, genuine, caring, empathetic and robust.

It feels like it’s less fickle and more difficult to lose.

On the other hand, people loving us for what we do feels transactional and transient.

The love we receive becomes contingent on what achievements and successes we can offer in return.

And the obvious fear is that if a point came where we no longer had anything to offer in return, would our love be taken away?

So here’s an even more uncomfortable question…

“Do you love you for who you are or for what you do?”

Oooo. Nowhere to hide now buddy.

This highlights our hypocrisy.

You see, we want the world to love us for who we are.

A balanced, caring view of our true value, independent of our accomplishments.

Meanwhile our own self-love is largely determined by what we do.

If we fall short, even though we know we tried our best, we still castigate ourselves for being insufficient, unworthy creatures.

So we want the world to show up for us in a way that we are often not prepared to show up for ourselves.

You deserve more than this, demand it of yourself.

MODERN WISDOM

I do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

This week’s upcoming episodes:

Monday.
Arthur Brooks - the brain science of how romance works. A fascinating breakdown of the neurobiology of falling into and out of love. So so interesting and practical.

Thursday.
Dave Ramsey - America’s legendary finance advisor on why smart people go broke, the mindset you need to manage your money, how to get out of debt and more.

Saturday.
Brad Wilcox - is the book Eat Pray Love a scam? What does the most recent data say on the life-satisfaction effect of getting married? Why liberal women are becoming more unhappy?

THINGS I'VE LEARNED

1.
Double Standards Over Infidelity

According to recent polling, both sexes think it’s worse for a husband than a wife to have an affair – the opposite of the traditional double standard.

53% of men say it’s always morally wrong for a married woman to have an affair.

61% of men say it’s always morally wrong for a married man to have an affair.

56% of women say it’s always morally wrong for a married woman to have an affair.

70% of women say it’s always morally wrong for a married man to have an affair.

— h/t Steve Stewart-Williams

2.
Tearing down is more attractive than building up.

“Notice it's always "smash the system" and "demolish capitalism" and "eat the rich."

It's never "help the needy" or "feed the poor."

You'll see a thousand communists say "billionaires shouldn't exist" but not a single one who says "poor people shouldn't exist.” — Rob Henderson

3.
Authenticity wins.

“In a relationship, roughly the only thing that matters is if you can be yourself around them… shared hobbies, attraction, lifestyle alignment is downstream.

If you can’t be fully yourself around someone, you’re either performing or negotiating constantly.

& over time that corrodes everything.

True intimacy is being radically unedited & still accepted.

The rest is just set design.” — Signull