3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, “I still find myself with this sense that success has to be earned.
And the only way to earn it is to inflict pain on yourself.
And if you’re not in pain you didn’t try hard enough.
And it would have been better if you’d suffered more.
And I think that’s a lie, and I want to find out if it’s a lie or if it’s true.” — Rich Roll
I think it’s a lie too. One of the most common questions that got asked on tour was “How do I give myself credit for my accomplishments in life? Why do I never feel finished or satisfied with a job well done?” This is another Curse Of Competence. If you’re good at things, and have high standards, you assume that you should always do well. Which means that success is not a cause for celebration but the minimum level of reasonable performance. Anything less than victory would be a failure, and victory itself becomes nothing more than acceptable. Congratulations, you might be very successful. You also might be very miserable. I shouldn’t say congratulations though. That makes it sound as if you chose it. A few things to keep in mind: You are wired this way for a reason. Your ancestors are made up of the most goal-driven, insecure overachievers from history. You could not have been any other way. Your brain does not care about you feeling good, it only cares about you being successful. In the past, success meant accumulating food and resources, now it means accumulating money and accomplishments. The number of ways your success-seeking system can be hijacked is greater than ever. It’s not your fault. There are no solutions, only tradeoffs. You don’t get to live the comfortable life with recognition and progress AND ALSO switch off from that stuff whenever you want. What, did you think you could be obsessive and driven in one area of your life but be able to create a hard boundary where it doesn’t bleed over into everything else? That’s just not the way it works. Look. You were born into a world you didn’t choose, maladapted for the mind you have, which you also didn’t choose, in an environment replete with games designed to hijack your drive and attention 24 hours a day. I’m impressed you even made it to breakfast today. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. 2. “Women think men chase money and power for sex but in practice it's just as much to establish enough buffer room to allow us be cloyingly romantic with high caliber women without coming across as a total simp.” — Rob Henderson 3. “We do not receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness which no one else can make for us, which no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world.” — Marcel Proust LIFE HACKWhoop’s new 5.0. If you’ve got health goals in 2026, I highly recommend Whoop. Track your sleep, steps, exercise, heart health and more, all from your wrist with a 14 day battery life. Plus - it's not another screen to distract you from living your life. Join for free, pay nothing for the brand new Whoop 5.0 strap and get your first month for free, plus there’s a 30 day money-back-guarantee on selected versions. So you can buy it for free, try it for free and if you don’t like it, just get your money back. Try the new Whoop risk-free. Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
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3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, I fly to Australia for tour next week!! Plus James Smith is supporting me. Perth & Brisbane are fully sold out - tickets still available for Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, Christchurch, Auckland & Bali. Come see me live. Adversity is a terrible thing to waste. Almost all of the biggest periods of growth in your life have germinated from your lowest points. Once shock, grief and sadness subside, much more energetic emotions arise - pain, resentment, bitterness, anger...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, It's my birthday 🥳 If you'd like to get me a present, please press subscribe on YouTube. Or feel free to reply and tell me a story about something you've enjoyed from the show or my writing over the last year, those make me smile (: When faced with a challenge, your nature might be to worry and obsess and grip tightly. The classic Insecure Overachiever mindset. Because worrying is so common in every pursuit you attempt, your successes are seen as proof that worrying...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, I'm going on tour to Australia, New Zealand & Bali in March. UK & Ireland in October. Come see me. The Curse of Psychological Strength. Everyone has a limit. An end to the amount of discomfort they can cope with. This is obvious physically - some people can lift more and run further than others. But how much emotional pain, upset or disappointment a person can endure is subtler and harder to detect. It’s not apparent in the size of someone’s arms but the capacity of...