3 MINUTE MONDAY

Hi friend,

Turning people off is definitely not optimal.

I like turning people on as much as the next guy.

But there’s an even bigger price to be paid here - your own self-worth.

Imagine a world in which you’re unanimously adored by millions, but you hate yourself.

Are you happy? Is it worth it?

Now imagine a world where you’re disliked by everybody, but you love yourself.

I propose that self-love-you would be happier.

Because ultimately, in some taoist, roundabout way, the reason we want validation from others is to give us a good enough reason to validate ourselves.

If you compromise yourself in order to gain favour with other people, you’ll know.

Even if you think you’re not keeping score, your subconscious is.

And given that you read this newsletter, you probably keep score a lot more accurately than most people.

How do you expect to have faith in yourself if you can’t even keep your own word?

Here’s the problem.

We sacrifice the thing we want (self worth) for the thing which is supposed to get it (validation).

Prioritise yourself.

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MODERN WISDOM

I do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
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This week’s upcoming episodes:

Monday.
Whitney Cummings - why is everyone so emotionally fragile? What is codependency? How can you assert yourself and people pleasing?

Thursday.
Dan Bilzerian - what ever happened to Dan Bilzerian? What has Dan learned about pleasure, happiness and fulfilment after chasing hedonism for a decade?

Saturday.
Dr Leah Lagos - one of the world’s leading experts on how can you improve your HRV. What are the best techniques, fundamentals and strategies?

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED

1.
​Gay men see bisexual men as “secretly gay”, lesbians see bisexual women as “secretly straight”.

Across two studies involving a total of 288 gay and lesbian participants, researchers examined attitudes toward and stereotypes of bisexuals. Here’s a brief review of their major findings:

Both gay men and lesbians held more negative views of bisexual persons of the same sex than they did of the other sex.

Compared to lesbians, gay men were more likely to see bisexual men as having an unstable sexual orientation. Likewise, compared to gay men, lesbians were more likely to see bisexual women as having an unstable sexual orientation.

Gay men tended to see bisexual men as being “secretly gay,” whereas lesbians tended to see bisexual women as “secretly straight.” In other words, both groups perceived bisexuals (regardless of their sex) as being more attracted to men than to women.

Lesbians’ greater negativity toward bisexual women (relative to gay men) was statistically explained by lesbians’ greater tendency to view bisexual women as being primarily attracted to men. By contrast, gay men’s perception of bisexual men as “secretly gay” did not account for why they held more negative attitudes toward bi men than did lesbians.

These results indicate that not only does bisexual prejudice exist in the gay community, but that there are some interesting gender dynamics at play here. Therefore, if we want to understand the nature of this bias, we can’t collapse across gay men and lesbians in research—we need to look at their attitudes separately.

— h/t Dr Justin Lehmiller

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2.
​Being the best has outsized rewards.

“Talent is not a commodity you can buy in bulk and combine to reach the needed levels: There’s a premium to being the best.

Therefore, if you’re in a marketplace where the consumer has access to all performers, and everyone’s value is clear, the consumer will choose the very best.

Even if the talent advantage of the best is small compared to the next rung down on the skill ladder, the superstars still win the bulk of the market.” — Cal Newport

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3.
​Men can be frustrating.

“There is a very specific cohort of frustrating men.

Guys who have nothing going for them, no drive in life, uncomfortable in their own skin and endlessly miserable keep complaining about women having too-high standards.

Bruh your standards for yourself are through the floor.

If your friends don’t want to hang around with you, if YOU wouldn’t want to hang around with you, why would a woman?” — JohnSmack0

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LIFE HACK

Read Dark Matter.

Awesome accessible sci-fi/thriller novel, quick pacing, great premise.

Highly recommended.
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Big love,
Chris x

Try my productivity drink Neutonic.
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PS
I'm in Florence! This honestly might be my favourite city in the world.