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3MM: Drama, Ghosts & Men
3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, My tour finishes this week. Salt Lake City & Vancouver have been sold out for months, Denver on Friday has a few tickets left! I was recently asked why I try and stay out of drama on the internet. There’s no shortage of it to inject yourself into. It is much easier to grow an audience by creating an enemy, even an imaginary one. Galvanising people’s in-group & out-group biases will bring you ardent fans more quickly than anything else, it's something I'm proud of never having engaged in. We’re tribal creatures, and an opportunity to ride that compulsion will always garner attention. So given these obvious advantages, why do I think everyone should (mostly) avoid it? Here’s 3 reasons: Firstly - do you want to be known for your work or your takes? “Advice I got early in my career: Don’t over-engage in any controversy unless you are willing to stake your entire reputation on it.
Rather, keep focused on discovering new things & creating, or else you become known for the controversy & nothing else; there is no going back.” — Dr Andrew Huberman
Now, in the world of social media, everyone is in the business of selling their opinions in one form or another. But if you get known for the controversy and nothing else, you’re less a builder and more a gossip columnist. Secondly - The Soft Signal Of Effectiveness I’ve learned that triggering a tribal response is antithetical to having an effective behaviour & belief-changing message. It's nowhere near as sexy to caveat heavily but when it comes to important subjects, the most compelling arguments are sometimes the gentler ones. Making someone feel stupid or embarrassed is a guaranteed way to not convince them of your argument. It sounds cool to your own side. It’s a vicious, cutting, well rounded samurai blade narrative. But it causes people who were on the fence to dig their heels in more in protest. If you genuinely care about changing beliefs and behaviour, you’ll dial back the aggression of your delivery. Thirdly - sanity. I spent 15 years in what might be the most cantankerous, back-bitey, ego-driven industry except for rap - club promoting. Me and my business partner and the few thousand employees we had during that time got into our fair share of verbal altercations online and offline. It absolutely draws attention, which is useful. But it’s pointless, juvenile and the wrong kind of attention. It also captures a ton of your mental energy as you obsess over what you should say or could say or what your antagonist is going to say next. If you have a hill that you care about, then fortify it and defend it appropriately. But if you’re finding hills to die upon simply for the sake of getting to stand up a height, you’ll end up paying for it with your peace. “Many don’t have an opinion until they’re asked for it, at which point they cobble together a viewpoint from whim & half-remembered hearsay, before deciding that this 2-minute-old makeshift opinion will be their new hill to die on.” — Gurwinder Bhogal MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. A significant minority of men and women have paranormal beliefs - but each sex is drawn to different subtypes. Most notably, women are overrepresented in ghost-related beliefs, whereas men are overrepresented in alien beliefs. 2. “Next time you are at a reception or a party, look for same-sex pairs who are engaged in conversation and make a note of how they are standing. You will notice that the women tend to stand facing each other, but men almost always stand at an angle of about 120 degrees so that they are looking across each other rather than staring directly into each other's eyes. It is not that men can't stand face to face, because if they are talking to a woman they often will. It seems to be that they find staring into other men's eyes discomfiting - probably because the only time men do stare straight into each other's eyes is when they are being threatening.” — Robin Dunbar 3. "If you marry well you will become happy, if you marry wrong you will become a philosopher.” LIFE HACKJust buy your xmas presents now. Honestly, just do it. Go on Amazon, buy some digital photo frames or nice candles or something on Cyber Monday discount and you won’t need to rush to the supermarket on December 23rd. This is called being an adult in 2025. Big love, Share this article with your friends here. PS |
3 Minute Monday
Podcaster with 1bn+ plays. I write about the most important lessons from the best thinkers on the planet. 300,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, I’m coming back to Australia with a brand new live show in March! Plus New Zealand and Bali 💜 Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Melbourne, Perth, Christchurch, Auckland and Canggu. Get your tickets now. In celebration, here’s a story from that side of the world. In Australia in the 1970’s a woman was assaulted. Her assailant had broken into her house and attacked her inside of her home. The police were called and took her report, she identified a TV psychologist, Donald...
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