3 MINUTE MONDAY

Hi friend,

Toxic Compassion is the prioritisation of short term emotional comfort over everything else.

Over truth, reality, actual long-term outcomes, flourishing, everything.

It optimises for looking good, rather than doing good.

This is seen in much of popular culture as the desirable, fair, empathetic thing to do.

And it’s everywhere.

People would rather claim that body fat has no bearing on health and mortality outcomes to avoid making overweight individuals feel upset.

Even if this causes them to literally die sooner or have a worse quality of life over the long run.

Parents would rather allow children to play computer games or watch screens and access social media every night instead of dealing with the discomfort of taking it away from them.

Even if it ruins their brain development, social skills and self esteem.

People would rather say that children growing up in single-parent households suffer no worse outcomes than those from two-parent homes.

Even if this misleads parents, children and teachers about why kids behave the way they do.

Campaigners would sooner shout Defund The Police as a response to what they perceive as the unfair treatment of criminals.

Even if this results in more crimes being committed against people from minority backgrounds due to the abandonment of police officers from those areas.

Elon Musk recently responded to criticism about his political alignment and contribution to climate change.

He identified how big of a shift Tesla had caused in the Electric Vehicle market, and the downstream impact of that on the environment, saying that he’s done more for the climate than any other human in history.

The important tradeoff with all of these examples is between appearing good and actually doing good.

Telling people what they want to hear, giving them immediate gratification and avoiding saying anything that could cause distress prioritises the former over the latter.

The net effect is often wildly negative.

It’s the toddler who wants to eat ice cream every night.

Sure that might be what they want in the moment, but it’ll be wildly unhealthy over the long term.

I asked Jordan Peterson about this on our most recent episode.

The prospect of appearing bad while doing good is obviously not very enticing.

The opposite is Performative Empathy.

Saying whatever is required to look good, even if you don’t actually care.

And on the internet, the gap between words and actions has never been bigger.

You can be the least virtuous, meanest, most dishonest human on earth, but if you say the right things on social media, you look like a saint.

No one stress tests the words coming out of people’s mouths.

Which means that appearing good becomes more important than doing good.

Performative empathy is more rewarded than genuine empathy.

Posting about mistreated groups is more incentivised than helping mistreated groups. *puts flag in bio, has never actually donated to a charity*

This isn’t me saying that you can’t do good whilst talking about it.

But that many (maybe even most) of the people who proselytise about how virtuous and caring they are, and how it’s everyone else who is evil, uncaring and the enemy are allowing their morality to stand on the shoulders of limited scrutiny.

Beware the people who prioritise saying good things, they might not be doing good things.

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MODERN WISDOM

I do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
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This week’s upcoming episodes:

Monday.
Joe Hudson - one of the internet’s best kept secret coaches on emotions, relating, connection, vulnerability and more. So so good.

Thursday.
Ty Tashiro - an evidence-based breakdown of how to select and maintain a partner for long term happiness using science. Fascinating.

Saturday.
Annaka Harris - what is consciousness? Why does it exist? How do we know anyone else has it? Why has neuroscience made no progress in explaining it to us?

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED

1.
​Asia is interesting.

In Japan, adult diaper sales now surpass those for baby diapers due to a rapidly aging population and declining birth rates, leading some manufacturers to shift their focus to the adult market.

The sale of pet carriers in South Korea has surpassed that of baby strollers for the first time, underlining the country's worryingly low fertility rate.

Korea’s fertility rate declined to a historic low of 0.78 in 2022, the lowest globally and well below the replacement rate.

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2.
​Simple steps to a better life.

“To improve your life:

Focus on what you like instead of dislike.

Focus on people who focus on what they like instead of dislike.” — Gurwinder Bhogal

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3.
​The liberation of a job you love.

“When you truly work for yourself, you won’t have hobbies, you won’t have weekends, and you won’t have vacations, but you won’t have work either.” — Naval

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LIFE HACK

Reorder on Uber Eats.

I eat a lot of the same meals from the same restaurants on delivery apps.

The Reorder button which lives deep in your account history allows you to exactly copy previous orders, including custom modifications and everything else, with a single button.

Your elaborate Chipotle burrito now seems less effortful.
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Big love,
Chris x

Try my productivity drink Neutonic.
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PS
Thank you for all the Naval episode love. I'm feelin it :)