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3MM: Self-Worth, Breakups & Lifestyles
3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, “Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.
Any time you alter your words or behaviour to fit someone else’s needs rather than your own, that is needy.
Any time you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that is needy.
Any time you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfil yourself, that is needy.
Whereas most people focus on what behaviour is attractive/unattractive, what determines neediness (and therefore, attractiveness) is the why behind your behaviour.
You can say the coolest thing or do what everyone else does, but if you do it for the wrong reason, it will come off as needy and desperate and turn people off.” — Mark Manson
Turning people off is definitely not optimal. I like turning people on as much as the next guy. But there’s an even bigger price to be paid here - your own self-worth. Imagine a world in which you’re unanimously adored by millions, but you hate yourself. Are you happy? Is it worth it? Now imagine a world where you’re disliked by everybody, but you love yourself. I propose that self-love-you would be happier. Because ultimately, in some taoist, roundabout way, the reason we want validation from others is to give us a good enough reason to validate ourselves. If you compromise yourself in order to gain favour with other people, you’ll know. Even if you think you’re not keeping score, your subconscious is. And given that you’re the sort of person who listens to Modern Wisdom, you probably keep score a lot more accurately than is typical. How do you expect to have faith in yourself if you can’t even keep your own word? Here’s the problem. We sacrifice the thing we want (self worth) for the thing which is supposed to get it (validation). Prioritise yourself. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. - If someone told you you’re a lot like your partner, would this be a compliment to you? - Are you truly fulfilled or just less lonely? - Are you able to be unapologetically yourself or do you feel the need to show up differently to please your partner? - Are you in love with who your partner is right now as a whole, or are you only in love with their good side, their potential, or the idea of them? - Would you want your future/imagined child to date someone like your partner? — h/t Reddit 2. “It doesn’t make sense to continue wanting something if you’re not willing to do what it takes to get it. If you don’t want to life the lifestyle, then release yourself from the desire. To crave the result but not the process is to guarantee disappointment.” — James Clear 3. “If you find a girl who believes in your dreams more than you do, who makes you want to be a better man, who’s willing to work alongside you to get there and is grateful for whatever you have - just marry her.” — Alex Hormozi LIFE HACKYou might not need more caffeine or sleep, you might just be dehydrated. The more I learn about the role of salt and electrolytes in alertness, energy and function, the more certain I am that this is going to be one of the next big health revolutions. Proper hydration is not just about drinking fluids, it’s about having sufficient electrolytes in your body to actually use those fluids properly. Drinking LMNT Salt first thing in the morning is a great way to ensure this is dialled in. It tastes delicious and contains zero sugar or any other junk. I keep harping on about it because I use it every day and immediately feel the difference. And if you don’t like it for any reason, they offer an unlimited duration money-back guarantee where you don’t even need to return the box, so you can buy it 100% risk-free. Try LMNT Risk-Free with a free sample pack. (US only) Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
3 Minute Monday
Podcaster with 1bn+ plays. I write about the most important lessons from the best thinkers on the planet. 300,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, There is a very painful transition that everyone eventually needs to make in their career & productivity journey - from operator guy to idea guy. At the beginning of your career, the only advantage you have is your work rate because you have no experience to draw on, and any natural talent is capped by your inexperience, so you just work hard to get ahead. You answer all the emails, take all the “would love to connect” calls, you send the invoices, write the copy,...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, “Fuck-you money” is a meme but it’s also a truth. There is an amount of wealth you can achieve when typical restrictions and conventions no longer apply to you. You don’t need to suck up to the gatekeepers. You don’t need to do things you don’t want to do. In extreme situations you don’t even need to follow the law. Similarly, “fuck-you freedom” is kind of downstream from fuck-you money, but also can be achieved through cultivating a lack of reliance on other...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, “Living an examined life is just one insult after another, you have to maintain a sense of humour. Your mind has absolutely no shame, it will think anything. The person you meet when you look in the mirror is not one person. It’s a congress of selves, and many of them are total assholes. And ultimately you can’t take it personally, you didn’t create yourself, or your culture, or your consciousness. You find yourself here in this circumstance, and the question is;...