3 MINUTE MONDAY

Hi friend,

The brand new Modern Wisdom Reading List Vol. 2 is live, featuring 100 more books to read before you die.

Download it now - https://chriswillx.com/morebooks/

I saw a comment on one of my videos this week that really struck me. I wish I could remember who posted it but I can’t. Thank you for inspiring this essay <3

Let’s call this The Atlas Complex.

If you care too much about harmony, you end up volunteering to be the scapegoat in every room.

Someone else snaps at the waiter? You apologise.

A partner forgets an anniversary? You bend yourself into origami explaining how you “should’ve reminded them”.

A project collapses at work? You lie awake replaying how you “could have prevented it,” despite the fact that six other people were asleep at the wheel.

It’s like walking around with a personal magnet for blame.

Part of this comes from childhood training.

If your peace at home depended on you keeping everyone else happy, you learned very early that the fastest route to calm was to accept fault, even when it wasn’t yours.

The problem is that the world happily accepts this bargain.

If you’re willing to hold the bag, there will always be someone eager to drop theirs into your arms.

In Greek myth, Atlas was a Titan who fought against the Olympian gods, and when his side lost Zeus condemned him to hold up the sky for eternity. In life, many of us volunteer for the same sentence. We confuse nobility with needless burden, and we don’t notice the chains because they look like responsibility.

There is a difference between being kind and seeming kind - one nourishes you, the other erases you.

Good Will Hunting shows a similar pattern. Robin Williams’ character Sean sits across from Will and repeats: “It’s not your fault”. At first, Will laughs it off, then he grows angry, and finally he breaks. Because the most corrosive thing wasn’t his own mistakes, it was carrying the blame for things done to him, things that were never his to own.

Self-esteem can’t grow if every bruise the world leaves on you gets mistaken for a self-inflicted wound.

The irony is that people who chronically self-blame often think they’re being noble.

“At least if it’s my fault, I can fix it.”

Responsibility feels like agency.

But there’s a dark flip side: if everything is your fault, then nothing is anyone else’s.

You’ve quietly signed a contract absolving the world of its share of the work and that’s not virtue, it’s self-betrayal.

Relationships suffer most under this spell.

When one partner absorbs all the blame, the other never learns accountability.

Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re the conditions love needs to survive.

The way out is not to stop owning your mistakes, that part is beautiful and rare. It’s to let others own theirs too.

Bravery isn’t bowing your head, it’s lifting it and saying, “This one’s not on me”.

The courage isn’t in denial, it’s in refusing to be Atlas, refusing to absorb the weight of other people’s failures just to keep the peace.

Otherwise you spend your life mopping up after other people’s spills, confusing servitude for strength, and wondering why your shoulders ache all the time.

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MODERN WISDOM

I do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent.
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This week’s upcoming episodes:

Monday.
Sam Sulek - the fastest growing fitness influencer in the world on his favourite exercises, dealing with pressure, concerns about longevity and whether he’ll do an ASMR channel. Listen now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Thursday.
Lionel Page - one of my favourite Substack writers on why humans self-deceive, why is communication so multilayered, how coalitions form and break down.

Saturday.
Zack Telander

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED

1.
​Men want a family more than women do.

Gen Z men who voted for Trump rate having children as the most important thing in their personal definition of success.

Gen Z women who voted for Harris ranked having children as the second-least important thing in their personal definition of success out of 13 options.

Young female Harris voters also ranked emotional stability as the third-most important thing in their personal definitions of success, something that young men who voted for Trump ranked second to last.

Men and women who voted for Harris are both more likely to include a “fulfilling job” and “using their talents and resources to help others” in their definitions of success.

Men and women who voted for Trump are more likely to list “financial independence”, “having children” and “being spiritually grounded” on their lists of what defines success.
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2.
​New jobs are stressful.

Changing jobs is a significant cause of stress, creating on average about a third as much stress as the death of a spouse, half as much as divorce, about the same amount as the death of a close friend, and 50% more than quitting smoking. — Rob Henderson
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3.
​If we are unduly absorbed in improving our lives we may forget altogether to live them.

“What you long for won’t come from improving yourself endlessly, it will come from embracing who you truly are.” — Art Of Accomplishment

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LIFE HACK

YouTube Premium.

Ranks higher than Spotify Premium and Netflix’s ad-free account in terms of value for me.

You can keep playing videos when you lock your phone, have no ads and download videos for offline play.

Game changer.
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Big love,
Chris x

Try my productivity drink Neutonic.
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PS
I'm going to a week long bootcamp working on emotions next week. Show continues as usual but... this experience is gonna be spicy.