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3MM: Control, Divorce & Man Points
3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, See me live in London on Thursday 28th November - https://chriswilliamson.live/london See me live in Australia! Brisbane sold out, Melbourne 8th & Sydney 9th November - https://chriswilliamson.live/australia Question: How much should you care about things? Answer: I’m unsure exactly but I know that it’s not “the absolute maximum amount, all the time, for everything”. A classic insecure overachiever struggles to correctly distinguish between the small number of areas in life which require every ounce of your vigilance and attention bringing to bear on them, and the ones that don’t. Not everything is a life or death situation. You don’t need to optimise or win or perfect every area. “Pour your finite time and energy into something infinitely more absorbing than trying to keep life under control, which is actually living it.” — Oliver Burkeman I was reminded of this when I made myself pass out during a breathwork class a few months ago because I figured that “if 2 minute breath holds are good, then 3 minute holds must be even better so I’ll do that and win”. Win what? All I won was a concerned look from the teacher as she peered over me, bringing me back round. Stop worrying about doing everything perfectly. Especially things you’re supposed to be doing to relax like meditation or hobbies. In the process of trying to be perfect you’re thoroughly ruining the enjoyment of whatever you’re supposed to be enjoying by turning leisure into labour. Don’t forget - you are not fixing a problem. There is no problem to be fixed. There is no doing this wrong. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. Why do so many people divorce someone they thought was their favourite person? It's not really a mystery: it's mostly because good times are a poor predictor of how you'll handle bad times. And handling bad times is much more important to the success of a marriage. But as a species, as a culture, we have not truly internalised this. — h/t Visakan Veerasamy 2. It feels like men have to “earn” the right to talk about their emotions. Chris Bumstead can talk about crying and fear and insecurities - but only because he’s the greatest bodybuilder of his era and a 6 time champion. Only men who have achieved some degree of success in typical masculine pursuits like status, resources, attractiveness, muscularity and strength can open up about emotions with credibility. Once they’ve accumulated sufficient Man Points, some unspoken video game level unlock happens where emotions are allowed. But opening up before having the requisite Man Points is interpreted as feeble and weak. The world still has many icks around men showing their emotions, but far fewer if it comes from a place of prestige than one of poverty. 3. Our grandparents’ generation didn’t deal with their trauma that much more effectively than modern victimhood addicts, they just passed it on to their kids instead. How many boomers are still holding on to grudges from incidents 30 years ago? How many never emotionally worked through their crappy childhood? Or can’t move on from their first divorce? I’m not sure there is nobility in denial. One generation just ignored it, the next generation inherited it, and this one medicated it. LIFE HACKPost-it Notes to remind you of gratitude. Gratitude is hard. Write the things you want to remind yourself of on notes and stick them to your door and mirror. Has been the most reliable way to reinforce Moments Of Peace throughout my day. Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
3 Minute Monday
Podcaster with 1bn+ plays. I write about the most important lessons from the best thinkers on the planet. 300,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, My tour finishes this week. Salt Lake City & Vancouver have been sold out for months, Denver on Friday has a few tickets left! I was recently asked why I try and stay out of drama on the internet. There’s no shortage of it to inject yourself into. It is much easier to grow an audience by creating an enemy, even an imaginary one. Galvanising people’s in-group & out-group biases will bring you ardent fans more quickly than anything else, it's something I'm proud of...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, I’m coming back to Australia with a brand new live show in March! Plus New Zealand and Bali 💜 Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Melbourne, Perth, Christchurch, Auckland and Canggu. Get your tickets now. In celebration, here’s a story from that side of the world. In Australia in the 1970’s a woman was assaulted. Her assailant had broken into her house and attacked her inside of her home. The police were called and took her report, she identified a TV psychologist, Donald...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, Modern Wisdom’s merch drop has 24 hours left to buy. Pre-order finishes Tuesday. After that you will never be able to buy these designs again. Last chance for MW Merch. We like to pretend procrastination is a time-management problem, but regularly it isn’t. It’s often a self-protection strategy wearing a Fitbit. When we delay doing the thing we know we should do, we’re sometimes not wrestling with our schedule, we’re wrestling with our self-worth. The logic goes...