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3MM: Control, Divorce & Man Points
3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, See me live in London on Thursday 28th November - https://chriswilliamson.live/london See me live in Australia! Brisbane sold out, Melbourne 8th & Sydney 9th November - https://chriswilliamson.live/australia Question: How much should you care about things? Answer: I’m unsure exactly but I know that it’s not “the absolute maximum amount, all the time, for everything”. A classic insecure overachiever struggles to correctly distinguish between the small number of areas in life which require every ounce of your vigilance and attention bringing to bear on them, and the ones that don’t. Not everything is a life or death situation. You don’t need to optimise or win or perfect every area. “Pour your finite time and energy into something infinitely more absorbing than trying to keep life under control, which is actually living it.” — Oliver Burkeman I was reminded of this when I made myself pass out during a breathwork class a few months ago because I figured that “if 2 minute breath holds are good, then 3 minute holds must be even better so I’ll do that and win”. Win what? All I won was a concerned look from the teacher as she peered over me, bringing me back round. Stop worrying about doing everything perfectly. Especially things you’re supposed to be doing to relax like meditation or hobbies. In the process of trying to be perfect you’re thoroughly ruining the enjoyment of whatever you’re supposed to be enjoying by turning leisure into labour. Don’t forget - you are not fixing a problem. There is no problem to be fixed. There is no doing this wrong. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. Why do so many people divorce someone they thought was their favourite person? It's not really a mystery: it's mostly because good times are a poor predictor of how you'll handle bad times. And handling bad times is much more important to the success of a marriage. But as a species, as a culture, we have not truly internalised this. — h/t Visakan Veerasamy 2. It feels like men have to “earn” the right to talk about their emotions. Chris Bumstead can talk about crying and fear and insecurities - but only because he’s the greatest bodybuilder of his era and a 6 time champion. Only men who have achieved some degree of success in typical masculine pursuits like status, resources, attractiveness, muscularity and strength can open up about emotions with credibility. Once they’ve accumulated sufficient Man Points, some unspoken video game level unlock happens where emotions are allowed. But opening up before having the requisite Man Points is interpreted as feeble and weak. The world still has many icks around men showing their emotions, but far fewer if it comes from a place of prestige than one of poverty. 3. Our grandparents’ generation didn’t deal with their trauma that much more effectively than modern victimhood addicts, they just passed it on to their kids instead. How many boomers are still holding on to grudges from incidents 30 years ago? How many never emotionally worked through their crappy childhood? Or can’t move on from their first divorce? I’m not sure there is nobility in denial. One generation just ignored it, the next generation inherited it, and this one medicated it. LIFE HACKPost-it Notes to remind you of gratitude. Gratitude is hard. Write the things you want to remind yourself of on notes and stick them to your door and mirror. Has been the most reliable way to reinforce Moments Of Peace throughout my day. Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
3 Minute Monday
Podcaster with 1bn+ plays. I write about the most important lessons from the best thinkers on the planet. 300,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, A friend did a mushroom trip and a question came to him: “Do people love you for who you are or for what you do?” This is uncomfortable to consider. People loving us for who we are feels more real, genuine, caring, empathetic and robust. It feels like it’s less fickle and more difficult to lose. On the other hand, people loving us for what we do feels transactional and transient. The love we receive becomes contingent on what achievements and successes we can offer...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, I put a vlog out last week about my trip to record with Rogan & Naval. It's pretty beautiful. In other news, Waymo the driverless taxi service has come to Austin. I’ve found over the last few weeks that a Waymo which says it’s 7 minutes away regularly takes 15 minutes to get to me. It wasn’t getting lost or taking wrong turns, it just seemed to be moving unusually slowly around pedestrianised areas and junctions. I’ve realised that Waymo is totally cucked and has...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, Toxic Compassion is the prioritisation of short term emotional comfort over everything else. Over truth, reality, actual long-term outcomes, flourishing, everything. It optimises for looking good, rather than doing good. This is seen in much of popular culture as the desirable, fair, empathetic thing to do. And it’s everywhere. People would rather claim that body fat has no bearing on health and mortality outcomes to avoid making overweight individuals feel upset....