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3MM: Control, Divorce & Man Points
3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, See me live in London on Thursday 28th November - https://chriswilliamson.live/london See me live in Australia! Brisbane sold out, Melbourne 8th & Sydney 9th November - https://chriswilliamson.live/australia Question: How much should you care about things? Answer: I’m unsure exactly but I know that it’s not “the absolute maximum amount, all the time, for everything”. A classic insecure overachiever struggles to correctly distinguish between the small number of areas in life which require every ounce of your vigilance and attention bringing to bear on them, and the ones that don’t. Not everything is a life or death situation. You don’t need to optimise or win or perfect every area. “Pour your finite time and energy into something infinitely more absorbing than trying to keep life under control, which is actually living it.” — Oliver Burkeman I was reminded of this when I made myself pass out during a breathwork class a few months ago because I figured that “if 2 minute breath holds are good, then 3 minute holds must be even better so I’ll do that and win”. Win what? All I won was a concerned look from the teacher as she peered over me, bringing me back round. Stop worrying about doing everything perfectly. Especially things you’re supposed to be doing to relax like meditation or hobbies. In the process of trying to be perfect you’re thoroughly ruining the enjoyment of whatever you’re supposed to be enjoying by turning leisure into labour. Don’t forget - you are not fixing a problem. There is no problem to be fixed. There is no doing this wrong. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. Why do so many people divorce someone they thought was their favourite person? It's not really a mystery: it's mostly because good times are a poor predictor of how you'll handle bad times. And handling bad times is much more important to the success of a marriage. But as a species, as a culture, we have not truly internalised this. — h/t Visakan Veerasamy 2. It feels like men have to “earn” the right to talk about their emotions. Chris Bumstead can talk about crying and fear and insecurities - but only because he’s the greatest bodybuilder of his era and a 6 time champion. Only men who have achieved some degree of success in typical masculine pursuits like status, resources, attractiveness, muscularity and strength can open up about emotions with credibility. Once they’ve accumulated sufficient Man Points, some unspoken video game level unlock happens where emotions are allowed. But opening up before having the requisite Man Points is interpreted as feeble and weak. The world still has many icks around men showing their emotions, but far fewer if it comes from a place of prestige than one of poverty. 3. Our grandparents’ generation didn’t deal with their trauma that much more effectively than modern victimhood addicts, they just passed it on to their kids instead. How many boomers are still holding on to grudges from incidents 30 years ago? How many never emotionally worked through their crappy childhood? Or can’t move on from their first divorce? I’m not sure there is nobility in denial. One generation just ignored it, the next generation inherited it, and this one medicated it. LIFE HACKPost-it Notes to remind you of gratitude. Gratitude is hard. Write the things you want to remind yourself of on notes and stick them to your door and mirror. Has been the most reliable way to reinforce Moments Of Peace throughout my day. Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
3 Minute Monday
Podcaster with 1bn+ plays. I write about the most important lessons from the best thinkers on the planet. 300,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, My first two shows of tour in NYC and Toronto were amazing. Thank you so much to everyone who came out! In 1830 Victor Hugo was catastrophically behind deadline on The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. His publisher had given him only a few months left, but Hugo was a spectacular procrastinator, entertaining visitors, wandering Paris, and finding excuses not to write. Desperate, he invented a bizarre discipline system. He gathered all his normal clothes, gave them to his...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, My live tour starts this Thursday in NYC. 5 shows are already sold out - NYC, Austin, Boston, Denver & Chicago all have very limited space left. Last chance for tickets at http://chriswilliamson.live/ I recently came across a blog post from Sam Altman about how to not care what other people think. It's definitely worth reading. “A founder recently asked me how to stop caring what other people think. I didn’t have an answer, and after reflecting on it more, I think...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, Vulnerability is hard. Fully feeling your feelings gets in the way of life. They slow you down, make you doubt, open you up to mockery and cause you pain. Embracing your emotions sounds great in principle but feels frail in practise. That being said, I want to try and prove to you that embracing vulnerability is true strength. “Vulnerability is speaking your truth, even when it’s scary.” — Joe Hudson Who is truly the braver person… the one who lets themselves feel,...