Podcaster with 1bn+ plays. I write about the most important lessons from the best thinkers on the planet. 250,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3MM: Bad Things, Conspiracies & Relationships
3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, See me at my London Live Show on Thursday 28th November at the Eventim Apollo - General Tickets still available! https://chriswilliamson.live/london 3 weeks until Australia! Brisbane 6th, Melbourne 8th & Sydney 9th November - General Tickets still available! https://chriswilliamson.live/australia I recently learned about The Fading Affect Bias. The goodness and badness of memories fade over time, but the badness fades faster. Some bad memories even become good memories, while good memories rarely become bad memories. It makes sense that both joy and pain fade with time—stuff just feels less intense when it's farther away—but why does pain fade faster? It’s because when bad stuff happens to us, our psychological immune systems turn on. We start to rationalise (“Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?”), downplay (“Breakups happen all the time in high school, it’s no big deal”), distance (“I never liked her that much anyway!”) and distract (“I’m gonna go play video games”). These mental processes function like emotional antibodies, taking the sting out of bad memories. We don’t use them on good memories, so good memories keep their lustre longer. Everything is temporary, bad stuff especially. “Tragedy + time = comedy" is the closest thing psychology has to a chemical equation. — Adam Mastroianni So even when things are going badly, know that in future you’ll probably be able to laugh about this. Discomfort in the present can be very painful, don’t make it worse by fearing how you’ll feel about it in the future, you’ll be fine. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast where I pretend to have a British accent. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. “If male suicide in America had happened at the same rate as female suicide, half a million fewer men would have died since 1999.” — Richard Reeves 2. New research presents causal evidence that conspiracy beliefs can damage relationships. The study found that when one person expresses conspiracy beliefs, relationship satisfaction decreases, offering proof that the endorsement of conspiracy theories can impact the quality of interpersonal connections. Participants reported significantly lower relationship satisfaction with the person they perceived to hold conspiracy beliefs, compared to the non-believer. Additionally, participants felt less attitudinal and relational closeness with the conspiracy believer, suggesting that differences in attitudes, especially related to conspiracy theories, might strain relationships. An important finding was that the degree of this effect depended on the participants’ own conspiracy beliefs: the effect is mitigated if both individuals hold similar beliefs. — h/t Journal of Applied Social Psychology 3. “Painful lesson over the past ~20 years of relationships: in the medium run it’s exciting to feel hype about people who seem to relate strongly in specific ways, but in long run it’s really how you handle misunderstandings, conflict, confusion, disagreement that go the distance” — Visakan Veerasamy LIFE HACKChoose window seats on busy flights. I’ve war-gamed this a lot over the summer while sat on planes and have come up with a definitive answer. Having the window seat provides two clear advantages. Not being disturbed by other passengers getting up to go to the bathroom. Control over the window blind (sometimes blindS if you get lucky). Both are crucial for sleep and general peace. Now you do lose arm-width on the side closest to the window, but you also lose that in the middle seat, and the benefits outweigh the costs. Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
3 Minute Monday
Podcaster with 1bn+ plays. I write about the most important lessons from the best thinkers on the planet. 250,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, “No one deserves to be praised for kindness if he does not have the strength to be bad." — La Rouchefoucauld I’ve been thinking about the difference between choosing to do a virtuous act, and being compelled by your nature. I have a tendency to see other people’s emotional states as my responsibility. If you’re not ok, then I’m not ok. That someone else’s distress is a problem for me to solve. A while ago I rang a friend to check in on them after an amicable debate....
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, I'm back in the UK. Come see me live this Thursday in London at the Eventim Apollo - https://chriswilliamson.live/london “I still find myself with this sense that success has to be earned. And the only way to earn it is to inflict pain on yourself. And if you’re not in pain you didn’t try hard enough. And it would have been better if you’d suffered more. And I think that’s a lie, and I want to find out if it’s a lie or if it’s true.” — Rich Roll I think it’s a lie...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, I'm coming to London! See me live next Thursday 28th November at the Eventim Apollo with 3499 other people - https://chriswilliamson.live/london An ode to people who don’t believe in themselves. What comes first, belief or action? Do you need to believe you can do a thing before you do it? “Fake it until you make it” is one option, but incredibly hard if you’re introspective or have low self-belief and high standards. So what about make it until you fake it? Here...